reason why 2013 was so shitty: uneven number
reason why 2014 is going to be better: even number
reason why 2015 is going to be the best: nice neat multiple of 5
we need to sacrifice somebody so Ellen never dies
This is quickly becoming the Hunger Games for douchebags
I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.